Elders

Old takes away the honor, the beauty behind a life many years lived.
Simba is my oldest guy, but he's so much more than 'an old horse.'
He was rescued, and he in turn rescued me after I'd broken my back and was trying to find my way back into the saddle.
‘Ride me’ he said.
And I did.
And here we both are.
More than survivors.
We share a kinship.
We're both older, and hopefully I am wiser for all the lessons I have learned since.
Simba was already wise; he sure didn't need any help from me.
When our elders start to fail, it’s on us to balance that edge of knowing when.
It’s been happening so much around here lately I feel like too many of my conversations with my animals this past year have been ‘Are you okay?’
The rest of that conversation, the unspoken part, goes like this:
If and when you tell me you are not okay, I will be there for you. Every step, every moment, no daylight between you and me and the thing that needs to be done.

Long ago I reconciled myself to the dark side of love.
The painful, knife-bite of saying goodbye, of loss, of grief.
I hate it, but I will pay that price any day for the light side of loving animals.

With gratitude for the joy, the unwarranted love, the way my heart swells in the presence of animals.
The way they somehow lead me to be my better self.

So this morning as I walked the hill down to the barn I held my breath, counted heads, saw everyone up and waiting for breakfast.
I sighed a quiet sigh of relief, grateful to have one more beautiful day.
Simba’s old man mustachio glistened with frost.
I watched the puff like dragon’s breath warm the chill air around his face and tried to emblazon it on my heart so I would never forget it.
He’s funny now. Sometimes he’d happily sit on my lap if he could, other days, especially days with static electricity in the air he’s convinced I’m the devil incarnate and he dodges away from me as I climb through the fence to say hello.
It’s okay.
I’ve long ago learned that love is not perfect.
It doesn’t come with a promise of all rose, no thorn.

Love is the original yin and yang.
Love is challenged by disappointments and expectations and more disappointments.
But that’s the beauty of the lesson of love.
That we make peace with the ebb and flow.
To accept that balance within ourselves; to embrace the glitter-filled moments as much as the moments of goodbye.
I've had plenty of practice in my life; and more than I'd wanted this year, but my heart remains true.
I'm here for you Simba, whenever and however you need me.
Sending love from my elder to you and yours.
xoxo