Horse Water

Hi, my name's Michelle and I leave the horse water on.  If that makes you want to say amen, raise your hand.
I left the horse water on last night. I know it happens every so often and I know I’m not alone (I  can hear the choir singing) but still. We live on a well and its summer and our well isn’t a gusher anyway so leaving the water on all night rightfully makes me question my sanity. There was so much water running when I went down to the barn this morning I’d made a creek bed and water was running out of squirrel holes. Ouch.

It seems I’m fried. The year’s been tearing by.  It's already what I call 2018.5.  Where is the time going? I'm working as fast as I can but I feel like I'm bailing water with a red solo cup.  Everyone around here is hard at it, preparing for our busy season and thinking about the crops. I don’t work in the family business but it rolls over into every moment of our lives every day of the year. Bringing the crop in matters and you only get one shot at it. There's a lot going on in our brains 24/7.  My brain feels like somebody is running a cheese grater over it most days. Some days more softly than others, but still.  My brain’s full and leaving the water on makes me worry about the health of my head.

My smart friend Quincy once told me at a doctor’s checkup years ago that I didn’t need to worry I was losing my marbles, she said it was just that my head was all wound up like you’d expect – kids growing up, hustling them around, always thinking about everybody’s stuff and so many places to be.  Fast forward ten years and I still feel scattered too much of the time. I think about things like how it would feel to wake up and just feel relaxed rather than rushed. I think about things and then promptly forget them, but I can sure as heck can list the ails of the world that need fixing around 4 a.m. when Clementine the cat wakes me to let her out so she can go party and kill things.

It would be nice to feel all zen’d out. I do occasionally, but I mean regularly. My mom says I’ve got a 10 lbs. of sugar in a five lb. sack personality so some of it is just who I am. I like to be busy and I love big projects. Sometimes my projects are so big I can’t feel my arms for the stress of it all, but I seem to find them without even trying too hard. Big projects just to be clear, not my arms. 

Life is so very sweet and to be savored, but  the days fly by too fast and now I worry that this grated brain thing is the norm. I started off the week backing into something with the trailer hitch. My friend Steph says that us June birthday people are experiencing some intense planetary weirdness and I’d be happy to say that I’m just being subjected to forces greater than myself. But still.  I’m jealous of those women in the Sundance catalog my friend Shannon calls Robert Redford’s Highway Robbery Store, who are wandering around looking all chill, wearing flip flops and cool jewelry by some pool in Costa Rica. But I’m not, I’m here and I’ve gotta get a handle on it.

Monday I had the honor of giving the welcome message at the graduation ceremony of a school we helped build over thirteen years ago.  I did the math and my boys were 10 and 8 when we started the school. Now they're both off at college and my eyes welled up with tears as I got ready to speak.  Looking out over the audience of young kids and their proud parents brought a wash of emotion and made me think of the chapter in my book I called ‘Blink.’   I mentioned the chapter to the crowd (not a shameless plug, but if I get any sales out of it, well….I’ll take ‘em) and encouraged them to embrace the moment. Seems I need to take my own advice, so when I got home I grabbed my book, flipped to the chapter and read my own words…

"I wish someone much wiser had told me that these busy days pass much too quickly. Breathe. Treasure. Love.”

I hope you find time today to breathe. Treasure. And love. How’s your brain doing? Xoxo