Just ride.

I saw a horse friend this weekend at the celebration of her dad’s 80th birthday. It was quite a party for the birthday guy who dressed for the occasion in a straw hat, wild tie, and big smile. He came prepared with a speech and in it he thanked the community he’d grown up in; started the first FFA group in, farmed in, and raised his kids in. What struck me most was how many times he gave a shout out to his community. It's founded in deep Ag roots and an intense pride for all they’ve created throughout the years by loving their hometown and giving back to it like they do.  As Pat and I drove home that night he told me how proud he is of our farm community and how happy he is to be a part of it. We went away with #squadgoals when we become octogenarians ourselves.

Watching someone celebrate 80 years of living and a life time putting down roots (literally and figuratively) is impactful. Listening to the memories he shared gave me a glimpse across the landscape of his life.  Eighty sounds like a long, wild ride of a life but after watching her dad celebrate his birthday among family and friends, you can tell he’s just getting started. We decided that her dad is making 80 look like the new 60.

She and I were drinking wine and talking horses and our shared experience that with horses as with life, there’s always something to learn or figure out. With this horse it’s that, with that horse it’s another thing. No matter how the horse was described or how good their DreamHorse ad, our relationship with them is going to be unique. People came up to say hello several times but in spite of their friendly interruptions we were both committed to continuing our conversation because we understood so well what the other was feeling. I just want to ride she said and we laughed/cried a bit together because we’ve learned that in spite of our strongest desire to wish it so, just ride isn't quite as easy as it would seem.  It isn't quite as easy as I once had thought.

We initially come to love horses because we want to do things on them. Ride into the sunset, gallop across prairies, cool stuff like that. But the more you commit yourself to the journey of learning about the horse, pretty soon that 'just ride' dream gets a hairline crack in it and you see the image start to change slowly at first and then completely and if you’re like me you probably panicked a bit and thought Oh crap. Now what? I know too much now to be  satisfied with my former stealing-a-ride bliss and truth be told, it was a lot easier before I knew all this horsemanship stuff.   Or was it?

My horsemanship journey has had lots of ups and downs, but I will always be grateful for the realization when I saw so clearly that all of my interactions with an animal as stoic and sensitive as the horse must come from a partnership.  It's not just my wants. That to get to this new way of being with horses and letting go of my own agenda, we must ask the horse for the opportunity to join with them rather than subjugate them and from that realization and forever-forward we recognize our need for them must be secondary to our respect for their true nature. That a relationship worth having is a two-way street and partnerships aren't always easy, but great partnerships are worth it. That we'll learn to think and speak differently now that we've seen into the dimension of their world and from their perspective. It's not easy as we're a noisy bunch; brains fizzing and nerves popping more often than we might wish. It can be discouraging at times and I've suffered many bouts of analysis paralysis, but those moments of getting it just right make up for it all. The really great horsemen/women make it look easy, even if it sometimes feels like I might as well be learning Mandarin.  Mandarin is a great comparison because it's a tonal language, and arguably the most difficult language for English speakers to learn. Kind of like speaking horse.

 I want to just ride too. I want to come home from my job that grinds up my brain just a bit and peace out on horseback. But like Pandora’s box, once that ‘aha’ knowledge gets opened a crack you see the truth of how the noble horse has been a repository for our wants, our agendas, our dreams, our lack of seeing from the horse’s perspective and it creates a revolutionary shift. There are many times I’ve thought I miss my old world  but once you get a taste of what it feels like to really be in sync with a horse, it’s intoxicating and well-worth the tradeoff of postponing just ride until just ride presents itself as the beautiful fruit of relationship. The times you do get it right because you listened and learned; well those times grab your heart and make the wait worth it. When you’ve learned to recognize that ear tipped ever so slightly toward you, noticed the softened eye, put the time in to experience the withyouness  (as Harry Whitney puts it) of a horse that’s been approached like a partner and their feelings and thoughts asked for and acknowledged...well, it feels like a mainline hit of perfection. The first time I ever asked for (and received) an upward transition with only a change in my breath I almost fell out of my saddle, it felt so incredibly pure.

My black beauty Satin and I are working towards just ride together. She’s a solid citizen and  she’s got plenty of thoughts of her own. I’m working to learn how to partner with her in that. Mares make you work for it, but it’s worth it.  When you see what just ride looks like in a partnership, well, it changes everything. Now that's a goal. It’s taken quite a bit longer to get there than I’d thought, but when we do, I’m going to remember how it felt to just ride with her, for always.

 I’m planning to talk about how incredible those rides felt at my 80th birthday party. I am counting on my friend being there too and we can share our just ride stories over wine and all the horsemanship lessons we'll have under our belts by then.  Maybe I'll have it figured out by then. In the meantime, I'm loving the journey.